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The year that was, 2017.

If you hadn't noticed from your Facebook and instagram feeds today, it's the last day of 2017. You might think; “Surely, this isn't another narcissistic wank bank of yearly round ups, we've had plenty of those,” but my friends, you would be wrong, because this is just that. So hold onto your 2018 deely bobbers, because this here, is the year that was, 2017.
Bloggity Blog Blog
So let's start at the very beginning, and the beginning of the year begun with this blog. I was coming to the end of therapy, and my therapist said that blogging is a good way to stay motivated in recovery. I have read blogs for a few years, I am a big consumer of YouTube and the idea of blogging kind of made sense. There was also a massively selfish reason to blog for me. I wanted to explain to my friends and family what had been happening for the past 5 years, where I had been and why I had acted the way I had. A few of my friends knew I was in therapy but most didn't, and a blog felt the …

Ditch the Diet December

December is here. Put on that woolly scarf, sing carols around the Christmas tree and spend four weeks trying to avoid every mince pie, Bailey's and cheese ball that comes flinging it's way towards you as you cling desperately to that Vanilla Shake you packed in your bag 3 weeks ago.

Apparently, the run up to Christmas is when people try and restrict themselves the most so that they can fully indulge *cough binge cough* their way through Christmas day, and Boxing Day. OK the 27th, 28th and 29th doesn't count. I mean we might as well start the diet after New Year. OK, the hangover is going to be bad on the 1st, let’s start on the 2nd. OK, guys, the 2nd is a Tuesday this year, we can't start a diet on a Tuesday. Monday 8th January 2018, that is the day we can start our new diet. I don't mean diet, I mean 'Healthy Eating Plan'. We will start our new HEP on the 8th. But before, that I am going to diet, like really try, I mean I know I am going to miss out on my …

Dating with an Eating Disorder

I don't even know what this blog is anymore; part eating disorder confessional, part dating disaster diatribe. Then, recently, whilst catching up on all my blogging favs, I came across Vix's post about the complexities of dating with a mental illness, and I realised, my eating disorder and my dating life are intrinsically linked. I can think of multiple times when one has effected the other and led me to laying on my bedroom floor in my pants surrounded by doughnuts and Wotsits. 
When I first became single at the age of 26, after 9 years in what can only be called a ‘pretty shitty’ relationship, I was fully committed to my Binge Eating Disorder. My life revolved around bingeing and prepping for binges, and there was little time else to invest in dating, love and other stuff.  I was sad, swollen and bloated and my self esteem and was in the dirt. In truth, during myfirst 2 years of singledom, I didn't dare go on a date. I remember reading an article once that said men's …

If you think a Demogorgon is scary, then you've never been on a date in your 30's.

So you've binge watched season 2 of Stranger Things in 24 hours and your Halloween decorations are in the bin, but you're not quite ready to sling on the Christmas jumper yet and crave one last autumn spook? Come in, draw up a chair and let me tell you of the true horror, which befalls lonely singletons this cold cuffing season. 
For I have been dodging vampire bites since 2012 and have busted myself a ghost or two, so let me navigate you safely out of the dinner party with Hannibal Lecter and arm you with all the silver bullets and wooden stakes that you will need when you are over 30 and single.
Ghosts
Ghosts, ghouls and ghoulies are the mainstay of any Tinder Nightmare. Have you even Internet dated if the 'one' disappears off the face of the earth the day they are due to meet your mother? Ghosts in truth are cowards, they are the people that can't quite brace themselves to send the "it's not me, it's you text". But trust me, pals, it's them; i…

I'm OK, just not today.

Trigger Warning: This post includes descriptions of binge eating and talks about poor mental health. Please don't continue reading this if you fear it may be triggering for you. 



I haven't blogged for a while. I have written, I have written a lot. My blog drafts are filled with half written posts that have never made the edit, never been completed. It isn't that I haven't wanted to write, it's that I couldn't find the words. They weren't funny enough, positive enough, they didn't quite cut it, so I saved them and promised to come back to them another day, and then I never did. 

I started this blog shortly before I finished therapy for my eating disorder. My therapist suggested that blogging was a good way to make sense of my thoughts, connecting with other people like me. And yet, when I have needed to do that the most, I have shied away from it. Put my laptop down, and waited for a better day to come.  

I always knew that recovery would never be an upward…

This is What Recovery Looks Like

* This blog describes bingeing in detail and may be triggering for people who are struggling with disordered eating. 
I forget. I forget I have an eating disorder. In fact that I 'had' an eating disorder. Right now, I don't have one. I wouldn't qualify for treatment, I am not sick enough. I am in recovery. But it lurks there, in the background, often quiet and in the back of my mind. I can ignore it. That voice, the voice that tells me that I am sick. Sometimes I don't hear it at all. It blends into the background of life's noises and I forget that it is there. But at other times, it screams at me. It shouts over every part of the day reminding me that it still lurks there, waiting.
I was diagnosed with having a Binge Eating Disorder (BED) in April 2016. I wrote about it the experiences of BED here.  I finished treatment 6 months ago this week. I remember the day of my diagnosis so clearly. A friend had convinced me to go. I thought it was madness that I could ha…

Let the Fun BeGIN!

I adore the summer; sausages sizzling on the BBQ, British skin sizzling on the sun lounger, the smell of badly applied 'Hawaiian Tropic' in the air. It's glorious. In the summer, we become these new social beings, going for 'drinks' on a Tuesday night and inviting neighbours we haven't spoken to for six months around for drinks and 'nibbles'. We're like 17-year olds on our first holiday to Magaluf, taking every opportunity to make new mates and to seal these new friendships with a drink or ten. And 'Oh the Drinks', the glorious summer drinks that make their way out of the back of the dusty booze cabinet to be consumed in vast jugs with fruit and salad swimming in it like tiny alcohol sponges.  My favourite summer drink has to be gin. Gin is the type of acceptable spirit that can be enjoyed at all times and at all occasions without excuse. 12pm and the sun is shining, a little gin and tonic in the garden it is. 8pm and flirting on a first date…

So You Find Fat Women Sexy? So What!

Now I don't want to say I told you so, but what kind of gloating narcissist would I be if I didn't write a blog post about how I am always right and everyone should listen to me more? Let me just pop my 'I knew it pants on' and lets begin. So, a few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the body positive gang and how I just wasn't buying it. I felt like it was a huge ploy by mainstream media to sell more stuff to fat girls and wrap it up in a bow of 'self love' as long as your fat fell in the right places, of course. Well, this week, the mainstream media have been fawning over a 'body positive' husband and I am calling it what it is, bullshit.
It begins with an Instagram post (link here) by "wordsmith, public speaker and creative activist" Robbie Tripp. At first glance it seems like a perfectly sweet but generally benign public display of affection with him and his wife doing googly eyes at each other on a beach. But take a closer look and you wi…